Log in

No account? Create an account
06 October 2016 @ 09:12 pm
This journal is now closed.

Please head on over to queenofpeace for new  content, beginning October 2016.
08 May 2030 @ 06:58 pm

-Many people friend this journal expecting a glass of water and are surprised when they get straight vodka.
-I don't censor myself.  You will not be the exception to this rule.
-This is an extremely personal space and as such, I am selective in who I add. 
-I have had my trust violated in the past, and will not respond kindly to this happening again.
-What happens on LiveJournal stays on LiveJournal.

If you are willing to meet the above conditions, please comment on this entry telling me a bit about yourself, where you found me, and why you'd like to be friends. 
01 October 2016 @ 06:47 pm
I'm curious to see if anyone is out there. I realise I haven't posted here since 2013, but a friend mentioned that Livejournal was experiencing something of a resurgence, so I thought I'd check in and see if any of my old friends are still reading.

Reader, I married him. We had a marvellous wedding surrounded by all of our family and friends back in April 2013, then we honeymooned in Disneyworld, and four weeks ago, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Eloise Daisy. It's been an incredible three years, and I'm so very grateful for everything we have achieved.


Anyway, if anybody is still out there, hit me up! I'm thinking of blogging regularly again, as I'm currently on maternity leave, so I'd love to hear from anyone still using LJ!

Lauren x
07 March 2013 @ 04:14 pm

These last few weeks have genuinely been the most exciting, manic and nerve-wracking weeks of my life. I think that the lead-up to your wedding really makes you question everything, or certainly, it has for me, as I have such an overly-critical mind. While I've been planning the wedding, I've also been working on ideas for my Masters dissertation, and been thinking about post-graduation options, and this has made the future seem all too imminent. Today I really feel I made a bit of a breakthrough in my academic career. For the last few months I have been questioning whether an academic career is for me. I didn't want to commit to a PhD if I thought that it might not be for me, so I've been spending a lot of time weighing up career options. From September onwards, I'll be officially out of higher education and I have to make some sort of positive decision about what I'm going to focus my attention on from then. The options I'd been entertaining were:

1) Continue to work part-time, while concentrating on writing part-time.
2) Apply for PhDs starting whenever would be possible. It would be very difficult for me to do a PhD without funding, so this is all dependent on if, when and where I could get funding.
3) Try to find a full-time job with Glasgow Life in a field that interests me, as this wouldn't be too much of a departure from my current part-time job.

Today I had a meeting with a University professor to discuss my dissertation ideas. I have decided to focus on graphic novels, probably primarily on the role of women in Bryan Talbot's 'Grandville' series. This series claims to have been inspired by Arthur Conan Doyle, Rupert the Bear and Quentin Tarantino, so it's absolutely fascinating. When giving me ideas of where to start with my research, this tutor mentioned online criticism of representation of Irene Adler in 'Sherlock'. I had literally been ranting about this in the pub the night before with my friends.

When I got home, I emailed another professor to discuss an essay on the same theme. In my email I mentioned how I thought this was a very relevant topic at the moment because of recent adaptations of 'Sherlock'. The professor emailed back with an academic essay her colleague had written on the issue I had been ranting about in the pub. In my email I had also asked to have a chat about post-grad options, and she invited me to come in on her office hour next week to discuss this. I guess that, at this point, I just realised that this stuff is the stuff I am really passionate about - reinterpretations of Victorian culture/literature in popular media. I also realised that I need further study. I just crave it. I would not be satisfied leaving with my Masters and taking a full-time job long-term. Literature, essays, media, these are the things that excite me. I feel more passionate about these things than I do about anything else in the world. To leave my studies behind for good would break my heart and I would always regret it.

I am wracked with nerves about my meeting next week. I worry that I'll be told I haven't got the grades to get PhD funding, or that my ideas aren't strong enough, or that for some other reason, it is just not an option for me. My secondary worry is that if I choose to do a PhD, I will have to relocate to wherever I can get funding and acceptance to a programme. While Bob has said he is happy to move elsewhere in the U.K. so I can get on a PhD programme, I am still concerned that Bob is forced to follow me because my ambition is bigger than us. And then I think that maybe getting married at 27 is a bad idea, because I feel my ambition will just continue to grow and get in the way of our marriage. I know Bob sometimes worries he's not as smart as me, not as driven, and I don't want my ambition to become a source of conflict/insecurity. Bob says all he wants is a nice house by the sea, some cats, some kids and to be with me. In my dreams, I have all of those things but I am also continuing with my studies. We talk about moving to Brighton once we have enough money, but this would only work for me if I could get a PhD place nearby, e.g. in London.

I am so very nervous about everything and over-thinking it all. I just feel like life is too short to do all the things I want to do. I want to live my life by Buddhist ideals and not to constantly be craving new things, but I feel my ambition was squashed so much in the past and I don't want to regret not following my dreams. And prioritising one dream over another dream is hard. I fear I am not like other people, and that I will never settle for what I have.

I am so fucking scared. And excited. And scared. Everything is changing too fast.

x L x
Current Music: Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good | Powered by Last.fm
19 November 2011 @ 11:52 pm
Jesus fuck. You can guarantee that the first time you're going to meet your partner's ex is when you're dressed in a Pikachu costume. Sometimes it does feel like I live in a sitcom. Excuse me while I go die now.
12 July 2011 @ 12:07 am
Simply to save me having to explain this twenty odd times, and also because of my compulsion to 'make things official', I wanted to offer a brief explanation of our current relationship status.

Bob and I are basically trying something we're referring to as 'relaxed monogamy' or 'monogamy with room to maneuver'. We are, at least for the time-being and forseeable future, exclusively dating each other.

So you're monogamous?
No, not in the truest sense of the word. We are exclusively dating each other but open to the possibility of casual encounters, group sex and/or the situation changing at some point in the future. Should either of us decide we'd like to act on attraction to somebody else, we'll discuss it and see where things go from there.

So you're open?
No. It would be uncool for either of us to act on an attraction to somebody else without prior discussion and/or negotiations. If one or both of us wished to act on said attraction, we'd have to have a serious talk about what we both wanted and see if it matched up. That said, following discussion, acting on said attraction would not necessarily be a dealbreaker.

So I guess what I'm essentially asking you all to do is to respect the boundaries of our relationship by, in essence, following the conventions and rules of monogamy (Obviously I'm not going to punch you for harmless flirtation - I'm still ME after all, but if you could not have sex with my boyfriend right now, that'd be freakin' awesome. Did I actually just type that sentence? Moving on now...)

I know that some of you will understand this decision while some of you may struggle with it as it's not the choice you'd make, but I want you all to know that we're very happy with our current dynamic as it works very well in relation to where we are as a couple. We have, essentially, been in a monogamous relationship for quite a while but calling it something different.

I have no doubt that you will all support our decision, even if you think it's completely bananas. Oh, and my apologies for any broken hearts out there (not that we're big-headed or anything...)

x L x
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
Current Music: Tori Amos - Jackie's Strength | Powered by Last.fm
31 March 2011 @ 10:17 pm
Halp. Srsly.

I am at a complete loss. Does anyone have any tips for controlling mood swings? This has gotten beyond a joke. I cannot deal with wanting to stick my head in an oven once a month. I'm beginning to think 90% of my problems are actually hormone related. I wish I was a fucking boy. I hate this damn uterus and I want rid of it.

x L x
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
10 February 2011 @ 11:38 am
Hi guys,

I have a massive favour to ask. If you're a Zivity member (which I know is probably unlikely), please please please add/become a fan of http://www.zivity.com/users/yvaine and vote for my first set, because every vote gets me money and you all know how poor I am! If you're not a member (which is more likely), I have 29 trial memberships left to give out, so message me for one!

Thanks so much,

x L x
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Amy Winehouse - You Sent Me Flying
31 January 2011 @ 01:40 am

Join, bitches.

x L x
Current Mood: tiredtired