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12 July 2011 @ 12:07 am
On being a monogamouse  
Simply to save me having to explain this twenty odd times, and also because of my compulsion to 'make things official', I wanted to offer a brief explanation of our current relationship status.

Bob and I are basically trying something we're referring to as 'relaxed monogamy' or 'monogamy with room to maneuver'. We are, at least for the time-being and forseeable future, exclusively dating each other.

So you're monogamous?
No, not in the truest sense of the word. We are exclusively dating each other but open to the possibility of casual encounters, group sex and/or the situation changing at some point in the future. Should either of us decide we'd like to act on attraction to somebody else, we'll discuss it and see where things go from there.

So you're open?
No. It would be uncool for either of us to act on an attraction to somebody else without prior discussion and/or negotiations. If one or both of us wished to act on said attraction, we'd have to have a serious talk about what we both wanted and see if it matched up. That said, following discussion, acting on said attraction would not necessarily be a dealbreaker.

So I guess what I'm essentially asking you all to do is to respect the boundaries of our relationship by, in essence, following the conventions and rules of monogamy (Obviously I'm not going to punch you for harmless flirtation - I'm still ME after all, but if you could not have sex with my boyfriend right now, that'd be freakin' awesome. Did I actually just type that sentence? Moving on now...)

I know that some of you will understand this decision while some of you may struggle with it as it's not the choice you'd make, but I want you all to know that we're very happy with our current dynamic as it works very well in relation to where we are as a couple. We have, essentially, been in a monogamous relationship for quite a while but calling it something different.

I have no doubt that you will all support our decision, even if you think it's completely bananas. Oh, and my apologies for any broken hearts out there (not that we're big-headed or anything...)

x L x
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
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Mwezzimwezzi on July 12th, 2011 12:28 am (UTC)
I thought it was just you who was exclusively dating Bob - or have he and Suz broken up?
Laurenmadamexdeficit on July 12th, 2011 08:35 am (UTC)
Bob and Sus broke up about a week or so ago. Sorry, the gossip chain must be a bit slow. All is well though - the whole thing was relatively drama-free. x
Mwezzimwezzi on July 12th, 2011 08:44 pm (UTC)
Ah, right. It might be gossip-chain slowness but, more likely, my complete absence from said chain.
Laurenmadamexdeficit on July 12th, 2011 09:08 am (UTC)
Actually, no, it was a bit longer than that - it was right before the Soiree. Around the same time we had a Big Relationship Talk with bullet-points and everything, and this is where we ended up. x
siani_hedgehogsiani_hedgehog on July 12th, 2011 05:09 pm (UTC)
it all sounds 100% sensible to me. relationships are complicated, it makes sense to talk about expectations and feelings regularly.
Laurenmadamexdeficit on July 12th, 2011 10:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks. We're dead happy with how things are. It's basically just that when we started seeing each other, the setup we had made sense, and now this does. I'm all for this regularly checking in to discuss how we're doing business. xxx